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Tacos, Tamales, and Cupcakes

With every beginning comes a bunch of endings.

(ooh…deep, I know)

In order to move on to college, you’ve gotta finish high school.

In order to move on to graduate school, you’ve gotta to finish college.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Today is one of those “out with the old” days.

It’s my last day at the best job I’ve ever had. 

My co-workers brought me Mexican food and cupcakes and we all ate together to celebrate my last day.

For the past 2 years, I’ve had the privilege of sitting in the Physicians Lounge and gleaning knowledge (I love the word “gleaning).

Sure, I helped docs here and there with Epic (electronic medical records), but I learned a lot more than I taught. 

Because of this job:

I saw a baby being born…and that prompted me to start this blog

I heard the good and bad about medicine.

I met incredible physicians who gave great advice.

I learned how to work with co-workers (my previous jobs had me working alone–tutoring type things).

I made friends with some medical students who were my co-workers.

I learned what it means to live out my faith in the workplace.

I was reminded again how hard nurses work…and how helpful it is to get on their good side 🙂

I became familiar with some medical terminology.

I learned that it’s ok (and good!) not to take what’s good when you can have what’s best.

I learned that people like to talk and sometimes the best way to help them is to listen

I learned that smiling at work makes other people smile.

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I learned what it feels like to genuinely love your job.

I learned that the people you work with can either make your job better or worse (mine made the job amazing!).

And today I’m learning that a job can become a significant part of your life without you realizing it.

I’m going to miss this hospital.

I’ll miss the smiling security guard who always greeted me as I arrived and left.

I’ll miss the sweet ladies from Medical Records and how kindly they treated me.

I’ll miss my hilarious co-workers and our funny inside jokes about different docs.

I’ll miss the older docs being excited to dish out advice.

I’ll miss the younger docs being excited to hear about my plans for med school.

I’ll miss talking to the random students that docs brought to me for advice on school.

I’ll miss the wonderful cleaning staff who enjoyed talking about the weather and weekend plans.

I’ll miss this sense of belonging and comfort that I feel here.

But enough of this sappiness. 🙂

I’m thankful for all the blessings, lessons, and friendships that have come through this job.

But I’m also excited for what’s coming up. 

Many more blessings, lessons, and friendships to come!

God’s grace in my life today:

He has shown me so much grace and favor through this job, and I’m excited to see what He has in store for me!

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When I can’t find the words

This is, without a doubt, the hardest post I’ve ever written.

After many surgeries and prayers, a little girl passed away.

A little girl, adopted from China into an amazing, loving family.

I was praying for her earlier and just recently found out she didn’t make it tonight.

Instant stomachache, tears, and questions.

Why, Lord?

Why would You have this family go all the way to China to adopt a precious little girl and boy…and then take the girl away just 3 short months later?

Why would You have these doctors and nurses try so many surgeries to save her…and then take her away so soon?

Why would You give so many of us a deep love for this girl we’ve never met…and then take her away before we get the chance?

Why, Lord?

As I think about this, I can’t help but imagine all the people that the Carr’s must have impacted. I’ve read Mrs. Carr’s blog enough to know that those in the hospital are noticing this family. They heard the songs resonating from Zoe’s room. They must have seen the prayers being uttered over Zoe. They saw the love the Carr’s had for each other and lavished on the newest member of the family. 

They saw the Carr’s show Zoe what it means to be loved by them and by a sovereign Father.

They saw the Carr’s live out the gospel in a scary situation.

They saw Jesus through the Carr’s.

Little Zoe being in the hospital also resulted in the whole family being in the hospital. And that means that the love of Christ abounded there these past few weeks. That children’s hospital experienced the gospel at its core and saw a picture of the gospel through the Carr’s: 

They were fighting and loving Zoe just like Jesus fought for–died for–and loved you and me.

They lived out the gospel of Jesus Christ.

And yet, Zoe didn’t make it.

Lord, where are You in all of this?

Why didn’t You display Your ability to heal miraculously?

Why didn’t You reward them for displaying Your love?

Why can’t we see Your mighty, healing hand in this?

And in the stillness of the night, He brought me to a familiar passage: Job 23:8-10.

“But if I go to the east, He is not there;
    if I go to the west, I do not find Him.
When He is at work in the north, I do not see Him;
    when He turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of Him.
But He knows the way that I take;
    when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.”

I’m lying in bed questioning where God was in all of this.

And He reminded me that even when I don’t see Him…even when I seek and don’t find Him…

He sees me.

He sees the Carr’s.

He saw the surgery. He saw the doctors. He saw the nurses.

He saw Zoe.

He was there.

He was with her.

He saw her.

And now she gets to see Him face-to-face.

We love you, Zoe. I can’t wait to meet you one day, sweet girl.

“When I can’t find the words to say how much it hurts, You are the healing in my heart.”

   

God’s grace in my life today:

I have the blessing of knowing the Carr family. Their family gives me one of the clearest pictures of the gospel being lived out.

Thank you, Carr family: I love you all and will be praying for you. You showed Zoe what it means to be loved.

He gives and takes away: blessed be the name of the Lord.