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Where My Heart Goes

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Where does my heart go When I have a choice to make? Who do I follow When my character’s at stake? Will I run from You or to Your arms? Will I fight to be right where You are? ‘Cause life is pulling me a million different ways

This past weekend, I had the privilege of meeting a family who smiled, laughed, played games, and sang praises to the Lord from the bottom of their hearts…even though they just lost their 13 year old son to a rare disease. I had the privilege of hearing about their son–Jonathan–who loved Jesus and used what little energy he had to play music and praise Him. I had the privilege of seeing Jonathan’s dad sit on the floor with tears streaming down his face as he sang “God is so good. God is so good. God is so good to me.” I had the privilege of seeing Jonathan’s mom and dad hug and kiss their daughter Faith as they celebrated her birthday. This family exuded joy in the midst of extreme grief and pain. They professed the goodness of God in the midst of the sorrows of life. They clinged to their knowledge of the character of God when the circumstances of life left them feeling empty. That kind of reaction doesn’t make sense without the gospel. People can’t fake joy like that.

This is no “health, wealth, and prosperity” skewed version of the gospel. This is gut-wrenching “not my will, but Yours” true version of the gospel.

They had a choice to make and they chose to run to His arms and fight to be where He is. And I had the privilege of seeing the grace of God fully on display in their lives.

This is my song that I sing forever You are my home, You are what I treasure I want You to be where my heart goes And if it all breaks If it goes to pieces You are the one that I will believe in I know You won’t ever let me go (You won’t let me go) I want You to be where my heart goes

I want nothing more than for Jesus to be where my heart always goes. I’m not there yet. There are times when my heart goes to music, school, family, friends, etc. But in those times when my heart goes to Jesus, there is peace. It truly is like coming home. Here’s the thing: I’ve never lived away from home. This fall is going to be a major adjustment for me. I’ll be moving away…3-5 hours away. Not a huge deal to many of you, but it will be a huge deal for me. I’m nervous and if I think too much about how much everything is going to change, I get pretty freaked out. But I’m also excited. This experience–moving away, starting med school, working harder than I ever have in my life–is going to force me to figure out where my heart goes. And I want my heart to go to Jesus. When the workload seems too much, may my heart go to Jesus. When the loneliness threatens to take over, may my heart go to Jesus. When the stress abounds, may my heart go to Jesus. When I get excited meeting new people, may my heart go to Jesus. When I feel the joy of mastering a difficult topic, may my heart go to Jesus. When I see a prayer answered, may my heart go to Jesus. I want Him to be my home.

There’s no denying What this world will promise me But I have decided You are the only thing I need So take everything Take everything Take everything

Sometimes sin looks so good. Scratch that–most of the time, sin looks so good. What the world has to offer can look so good. But Jesus is infinitely better. Even when we don’t feel like He is good, He is still good. Our feelings don’t determine the truth. The truth remains regardless of our circumstances and feelings: Christ is supreme. He is all I need and He has all of me.

This is my song that I sing forever You are my home, You are what I treasure I want You to be where my heart goes And if it all breaks If it goes to pieces You are the one that I will believe in I know You won’t ever let me go (You won’t let me go) I want You to be where my heart

Runs to, clings to Jesus, I so need You I want You to be where my heart goes

Listen to the full song here:

Where My Heart Goes by Colton Dixcon

Med School Update:

I’ve picked a school: IU. It sucked turning down the other two schools. It was like a breakup lol.

“I like you. A LOT. You’re amazing and I’ve enjoyed our time together…but there’s someone else.”

 I almost wanted to say “but we can stay friends…” 

In all seriousness though, I thought about it a lot, prayed, and sought counsel. IU is the school I have the most peace about, even though all 3 are great schools. I still don’t know exactly which campus I will be at: either a campus 5 hours away from home and 3 hours away from my brother OR a campus 3ish hours away from home and about 45 min from my brother. I will know that by June 7 at the latest.

Keep me in your prayers and I hope y’all all join me in making our hearts go to Jesus.

God’s grace in my life today:

As a friend recently told me (I have wise friends), “The will of God is your sanctification.” The decisions that seem so major to me do not faze my sovereign God. His plan will prevail. No matter what I do, His plan will prevail. There’s something so freeing about that. His plan for me is to be sanctified–made more like Jesus. That can happen anywhere I go. The Great Commission to spread the gospel: that can happen anywhere I go. What freedom we have in Christ! And what peace He brings! So no matter where I go, I can be sanctified. No matter where I go, people will need to hear about Jesus. No matter where I go, I get to be a recipient and a part of God’s plan of salvation. That is amazing grace in my life.

J. C. Ryle: “Tell the young, tell the poor, tell the aged, tell the ignorant, tell the sick, tell the dying — tell them all about Christ. Tell them of His power, and tell them of His love; tell them of His doings, and tell them of His feelings; tell them what He has done for the chief of sinners; tell them what He is willing to do until the last day of time; tell it to them over and over again. Never be tired of speaking of Christ. Say to them broadly and fully, freely and unconditionally, unreservedly and undoubtingly, ‘Come unto Christ, as the penitent thief did; come unto Christ, and you shall be saved.'” (Sermon, “Christ’s Greatest Trophy“)

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