I love to write. Stories, journals, letters, etc. I just love it. There’s something about a blank page that really excites me. So many possibilities. So many thoughts to be written, stories to be told, memories to be recorded.
Anyway, every once in a while, I’ll grab one of my old notebooks and read over what I had written in there once upon a time.
Tonight I grabbed a notebook…but not just any old notebook. This notebook is pretty special to me. I had it with me in Europe when a bunch of our stuff got stolen at the train station. I always kept this notebook in one of the bags that ended up being stolen. When we got back to our apartment that evening, I remember quietly bringing up my notebook and wondering if I’d ever see it or be able to write in it again. We searched our remaining luggage, and by the grace of God it was in there. I must have transferred it from the usual bag to another bag that morning. The “companion” notebook had disappeared along with the stolen bags, but this one was safe. That right there was a reminder of God’s sovereignty in my personal life.
This notebook is special b/c it’s full of letters to my future husband, starting from 12/05/08 (I was 17) to 2/10/11 (the day before my 20th birthday…my last day as a teenager!). It’s really fun to read through and I’m excited to watch him read them someday (although it may make him feel awkward to have me creeping on him as he reads…). I normally wouldn’t share these letters with anyone else (there’s a limit to my awkwardness ;)), but I’m making an exception tonight, because this letter is just kinda cool. It was cool for me to read tonight and a good reminder of God’s faithfulness to me. I’m basically typing it out as I wrote it, except for omitting some names. Enjoy this glimpse into the letters!
My Future Husband,
I love you. I love the amazing God we serve. This past week, I’ve felt God just pouring Himself into my life. Let me explain…
I’ve been wondering lately if God really wants to use me as a doctor. I know last year around this time I was totally convinced (because He blessed me with the —- scholarship), but I’ve had may doubts this year, starting college.
I went from having all Christian friends to having very few, all Christian teachers who profess Jesus as Lord to most profs who mock my Savior in class, fairly easy classes (for the most part) to incredibly tough classes. I began to despise school and the science field in general. I figured this was God’s way of saying I’m meant to do something else…something “easier” like teaching because I could easily handle that.
Well God doesn’t seem to want that and He’s made it pretty clear! First, this past Sunday, Pastor Steve took a break from our 1 Corinthians series and preached on a passage that directly applied to me. Then we read in the Experiencing God study about not asking God for an outline of my future but to simply ask for the next step. On Sunday during the sermon (at the very end), Pastor Steve said we need to realize 2 things about God: 1) He is full of love 2) He wants what’s best for us.
Yesterday at Connect, God really spoke to me. I wasn’t even going to go, but — texted me and asked, so we went together–thank You, Jesus, for stepping in! Luke — gave a message on how to be a difference-maker. He preached from 2 Samuel 23:8-23 and the words God inspired him to say totally applied to me. He made 6 points:
1) Be committed to the result, regardless of the cost
2) Have supernatural ambition
-never settle for something that you can do in your own strength
-Eleazer didn’t go looking for greatness: he just hung around and the Lord brough about a great victory.
3) Fight in the battles that count
-it counts if: 1) God’s Word is being challenged 2) God’s priorities for my life are in danger 3) God’s reputation is on the line (all 3 could be answered with a “yes” in my case!)
4) Go above and beyond the call of duty
5) Embrace your roles & opportunities
6) Be a difference-maker or waste your life in comfort
So pretty much, God taught your wifey here quite a bit this week. This pre-med and med school road will be tough, but I’m ready and excited to be a difference-maker for our awesome Lord! I will pray that God speaks to you this week too, my love, and gives you a renewed love/desire/passion for Him! To Him alone be all glory, wisdom, honor, strength, & power both now & forevermore!
I love you!
First off, I apologize to any teachers reading this. 🙂 Teaching isn’t easy. I know that. But in my freshman mind, making a lesson plan for kids sounded a whole lot easier than learning all the steps and products of the Krebs Cycle…
Overall, that was refreshing for me to read. I remember what a personal experience that night was for me. It kept me confident for quite a while. However, just as I had struggled with doubts freshman year, I struggled with doubts sophomore year, and I’ve struggled with doubts this year. And I still don’t know for sure that I’ll end up being a doctor. But I’ve watched God teach me not to worry so much about the future and instead to focus on seeking Him first and foremost. And by the grace of God, I’m slowly getting better at it every day. Through it all, He has been faithful. No matter what my life ends up looking like, I know it will be saturated in His overflowing grace.
Pour out Your grace, Lord
God’s grace in my life today:
He is so faithful when I’m faithless
He is patient with me through my doubts
I can trust Him with today instead of worrying about tomorrow